Spider Dan

Forgive me for pirating your blog. But we just had a much too close encounter with an African-size arachnid. Our own domestic arachi's which we choose to live with in harmony punctuated occasionally with destitute fear.

I'm sitting on the couch watching the replay of the Mariners trouncing of the Orioles (which, I've just discovered, replays are the best way to watch a baseball game because they only air the innings in which runs score or incredible plays are made). Marley (& Rocky, Julie) comes down to join me a moment before bedtime and she notices the arachi on the bookcase a foot away.

"What is that?" She jumps up and then relaxes because it's so big, "Wait, that's not real.... is it?" Then tenses up and moves away. "Is it?" Voice rising, her movement quickening as she begins to climb over my back, backwards, with the creature still in view...pointing. I finally tear my attention away from the boob, and focus on the vicinity of her attention. Not seeing it at first because its size does not compute with my brain.

Slowly, my mind conceives a large spider-like shape and has to wide-angle back to focus... after which my entire body does a wide-angle back causing Marley to scream, "IT IS!" Which morphs into her ear-splitting girl-scream which I find both admirable and appropriate to the situation. I feel Rocky leaning on me, pushing me in the wrong direction…”Where? What is it?” into my ear. Julie doing the same thing as I point directly at the behemoth, Marley now standing halfway up the stairs peering down awaiting her girl-friends eventual frlight up the stairs with her leading the way, leaving me to do my man-thing wishing I was in front of Marley. No early bedtime tonight.
Peering at the interloper, I am amazed it has grown so big and despite my fear I come to admire the creature, while I skitter about looking for an appropriate vessel to capture him in, simultaneously yelling to Julie to do the same. She offers a ridiculously small jar, pissing me off while she giggles running back up the stairway.
An appropriate container is found and the standoff begins. Arachi hasn’t moved since its’ discovery making me hope-dread as the glass-shield approaches. It moves with South American alacrity behind some books, causing a Mexican dance of my own. “Flashlight!” and some dainty book removal results in a capture with a very heavy book on top.
After I walk upstairs with an empty glass asking if they want to see it, screaming at the top of their lungs “NOOOOeeeeeaAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” I deposit him outside.
Later, Rocky says to J, “Ever seen a spider in bed?” “Never.” She lies. “Do you promise one will never come into our room?” Julie hesitates. Marley, “Just say no. Just tell us no, it won’t happen!” “No.”
I later receive similar grilling except w/ the ‘stick a needle in your eye’ vow attached. I lie big-time while still trying to shed the willies I’ve acquired… They’re sleeping in our bedroom tonight.